Where I go, my heart I go

I decided to start this blog because I want to live my life with purpose. It's easy to get so caught up in life that no self-evaluation comes up until after the fact, and that is a harmful way to live, indeed.

Lately, I have been wondering if there is any way to still love the people who hurt us. Why is it, after the end of a relationship (this can be any kind of relationship), we find things about that person that makes them inferior to us that we did not see before? If a relationship is unhealthy and needs to be ended, that is one thing, but if we make ourselves superior to another human being, we are creating a hierarchy that separates ourselves from them. I think that this separation is an illusion. Both people feel hurt, and both are human (therefore, allowed the freedom to make choices and the possibility of making a mistake). Where does my pain end and another person's begin?

I have also been wondering what it means to do "the right thing." What is the right thing to do in a situation where either choice will hurt someone / yourself? Can there be a right choice then? And in the event that we do hurt someone else, do we say, "it is your choice to feel hurt," or do we arrange some sort of apology? For me, it seems to be somewhere in the middle. If I acted without thinking, I should apologize to the people that affected, but if my choice hurts someone because they associate it with a long list of things they are still processing, then what can I do? I think the most I can do is be there for them, and give them space if they ask for it.

I really do love people, and I have spent a very good deal of my adolescent life seeking and nurturing relationships. Now, I feel in a place of withdrawal, where love and trusting others seems like too much to ask. I guess a part of me feels ashamed of that because I want to be strong and jump back in, but really, it is all part of the process. If I ran all the time without taking breaks, I would collapse and die (obviously), and maybe love is like that. Maybe to truly appreciate it, it needs to breathe, and take different forms before it becomes a relationship again.

Playlist, "August"
1. Lonely Won't Leave Me Alone- The Arlenes
2. the part where you let go- Hem
3. Home As A Romanticized Concept Where Everyone Loves You Forever And Always- Woodpidgeon
4. What This Town Needs- Blanche
5. Golden Slumbers (cover)- Ben Folds
6. I'm Only Sleeping (cover)- The Vines
7. Lonesome Town- Ricky Nelson
8. Who Will You Love- Dead Heart Bloom
9. Soft Lowland Tongue- John St. Field
10. In the Still- You and Me