Alright, alright, alright,

SO, in Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, there's a map you use to plan your journey, and then there's the journey itself. But the journey usually turns out to be different, and it represents life itself.

I had planned to do a lot when I got back home from Missouri. And I haven't, really. I have just been out partying a lot and meeting people. I guess on the road map you would call this a detour. It's not an unwanted detour by any means, and I do find it fulfilling, it's just that I know it's a detour and eventually I need to get back onto the road of life and start doing again.

I think the scariest part is that I'm trying so hard to be independent, but I'm not sure what that means, and I'm not sure what exactly will signify my independence. I just see other people that have it so much worse than me, never have any money, and no loving family to support them. I feel guilty for living with my parents and taking money from them, so I want to find a way where I can have a career where I can pay for my own things and help them out, too.

I guess it is more about responsibility than independence, because really, we all need each other at some point, and I really feel like it's my turn to start serving others. I really enjoy working with kids and I think that might be something worthwhile to make a career out of. Also, I am thinking about becoming a youth sponsor for my old youth group once I turn 21. I have mainly just been thinking about things I can do in my daily life that will help someone other than me (like recycling). Even something minor still has its purpose, and I have been looking for little things I can do to make someone else's day better, or my own day better by having a more positive outlook. I know it sounds cheazy, but it really works and I have been a lot happier lately because of it. It makes it a lot easier to see how everything has a balance, and sad moments are just passing and don't define who I am.

Ugh! What a wonderful life. I just need to get off my ass and do something about it.