News from the Velvet Underground

It's been a while since I've posted, and I'm not sure who all reads this, but my apologies for no update, especially after the last post was so melancholy.

Life has actually been really good for me lately. I hadn't meditated or even tried to in years, but about a week ago a friend of mine lent me a meditation cd to listen to and it has totally changed my life--no foolin'. Basically, it is meant to be a sort of sound therapy targeted to help increase communication between both hemispheres of the brain, which helps one deal better with emotions and stressful situations. The instrumentation is incredibly minimalistic. It is just rain, Tibetan singing bowls, and chimes, but I swear there is something about it that just helps you get rid of any fears you have going on in your life. It is supposed to be part of a 4-week program, so I have kept up with it, and amazingly enough, I haven't felt the compulsion to drink or smoke since listening to it. I am totally cool with both of these things in moderation, but I know at least for myself that I had been doing it too much to have any sort of focus in my life before listening to the cd.

In other news, my search for love....has still been unsuccessful as far as relationships go, but I have made so many friends in the past week and met so many new people at different events! (parties, a drum circle, a discussion group, through other friends). I really have a sense of fulfillment and contentment with where I am in life. I think about being in a relationship now, and it's almost like I don't want to because I don't want to stop growing and I am afraid of being with someone who doesn't want to grow with me. I am decidedly very picky, but with good cause--I'm just that awesome. So until I find that person, I am totally cool with rocking it by myself.

Also, lately one of my tasks has been to reconcile whatever disputes I have with people. Maybe they are people that I lost touch with because they are petty and shallow, or maybe I am the petty and shallow one--but either way, I think it's time I just stopped wasting so much energy on the few people I don't like. Isn't it silly how that can totally possess our thoughts sometimes--just one person who has wronged us? I always thought forgiveness was silly, but lately it seems priceless because it has helped me let go. I apologized to one person I had wronged, and he immediately said he felt like a weight had been lifted. I would have to agree. I have also realized that forgiving someone doesn't mean you are blind to who they are if they are an asshole, or what have you, it just means that you love them anyway, whether that means being their friend or loving them from afar. Anyway, what do I know? I am only 20! I'm sure I have a long way to go, but it feels good to at least be going somewhere.