Follow the Leader

I love my family. I actually think most people relate to the need to have one, whether it be by blood or by spirituality. I am lucky to have both with my extended family (grandparents, aunts, and uncles), however, my parents are slowly opening up and my brother, well he is seventeen and frustrated with life. He will come around, though.

I left for college for two years and came back. And I had this strange realization. Sometimes I am the leader of my family. I hope that doesn't sound conceited because I don't say this like it's always a good thing. It's actually quite shocking. My family looks up to me and base their actions on some of the things they've seen me do. For example, I have always loved community theatre and in college I started singing. Well, now my parents are doing it, too. My mom is also really into Unity now, which I never thought she would be. My brother actually listened to all the cd's I burned for him and bases his own taste for music off that collection. And now that I am back in town, whenever something bad happens, my dad always calls me first. Not my mom. Wierd, huh? I am the one who plans and networks between our family and our relatives, and I am the assertive-take-charge person in my family, which means that when my parents are too afraid to speak up, I usually do it for them. I hope this doesn't sound over-controlling. Someone's got to do it.

I've learned a lot from this realization. Firstly, if someone's looking up to me, I damn well better straighten up and fly right. When I first got into town, all I could think about was partying and celebrating being single after two years (I am so egotistical sometimes...). But now, I am really feeling this genuine desire to settle down and do what truly makes me happy, and fuck worrying about relationships. Sometimes, though, I just want to hang a sign around my neck that says, "You can come with me if you want to, but please don't distract me!"

Secondly, maybe families don't have one leader. I always thought it was the parents. Maybe it's not. Maybe it rotates, and undoubtedly we all have something to learn from each other, even if it just means learning from each other's mistakes. I know after growing up with my family that I will never cheat on my partner, and that's something most people learn too late.

And no family is perfect. That is the damn truth. And I am okay with that. I didn't used to be. It used to make me very angry, but the truth of the matter is that where there are people, there is the human experience. There is happiness, sadness, drama, fighting, loving, and everything in-between. Families are such a good practice for the outside world because I think if I can love my family and get along with them, I can create my own someday. How exciting! Spiritual families, a family with children, network families...there are endless possibilities!

"The family. We were a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one another's desserts, hiding shampoo, borrowing money, locking each other out of our rooms, inflicting pain and kissing to heal it in the same instant, loving, laughing, defending, and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together."- Erma Bombeck

"I love you!"
"I love you too, but I'm going to mace you in the face!"
-The Darjeeling Limited