Well, I have been back in Dallas for about a month now. I think I am still processing a lot. I think I'm one of those people that should be careful not to ignore their emotions. I have decided that I'm going to take time off during winter break to travel by myself. I am enjoying being solitary. It's strange, because I hadn't been single for the last two years of my life, and so I forgot how amazing it can be. Usually you hear people complaining about being single, as if you're not complete if you're not with someone. But I really do think I can be complete by myself. And I think it's an important step in my life--to feel like just me is enough. I am getting there, anyway. I have been working, going to school, and playing (hehe). It's nice to not have to consult with someone else before doing something. I don't mean that in an unhealthy way, but, you know in relationships you just have to do that. You have to check in. And I hope all the people that have found someone are truly and genuinely happy. But I just want to jump for joy some days at how happy I am just being alone, unattached, and exploring this amazing world we live on.
Did you know that Iceland is rated the fourth happiest country in the world? I am thinking I will go there over winter break. That, or Denmark (they were rated first).
I love my life. No particular reason (that's a good thing). It doesn't have to be perfect, I just enjoy being alive and here to experience everything.
Playlist, "September"
The Glow- Tall Tales
Love me in the morning- Clare Burson
What Goes Around- Justin Timberlake
This Guitar Says I'm Drunk- John Bustine
Love, Love, Love Everyone- Akron; Family
Your Spanish Scarf- Dan Blakeslee
Boundary County- Eilen Jewel
Pretty Little Bird (The Saint of Vancouver)- Mark Berube
Red Sky- Thrice
Thursday, September 27, 2007
Tuesday, September 4, 2007
Warm's the New Cool
Today when I came back from my class, I noticed there was a note on my car that said, "LEARN HOW TO PARK. THANX." Now, I did park pretty badly since I was running late, so that's a fair criticism--that I didn't park well. My initial reaction when I read the note was that I was angry, and then I just had to laugh. I can't believe that someone took the time to write that note! Then I later thought about what I would do in that situation. If I'm having a good day, I usually want to keep having a good day, so I try not to let things get to me that I see as trivial. I've had to squeeze by cars before thinking, "Wow, that was really inconsiderate," and then I move on with my life. If someone took the time to write me a note, that means that it DID get to them...because they let it.
And I thought about it, and I think that what happened is that the person felt so much anger and negativity that they thought they could get rid of it by passing it on to someone else. I've noticed that as a collective we have a tendency to do this to others, especially those we don't know but encounter on a regular basis (as in driving). And the truth is that the person is probably still angry--isn't that a little sad? What a waste of a perfectly good day!
I thought about my own driving, and how I get angry and honk at people a lot. Maybe I shouldn't. Holding onto my anger and furthermore sending it to someone else is a choice. My initial anger may not be a choice, but I can choose to let go of it; to feel it and release it. I think about how worse my day could have been if I chose to be angry about that note, and it is really not worth it! :-)
And I thought about it, and I think that what happened is that the person felt so much anger and negativity that they thought they could get rid of it by passing it on to someone else. I've noticed that as a collective we have a tendency to do this to others, especially those we don't know but encounter on a regular basis (as in driving). And the truth is that the person is probably still angry--isn't that a little sad? What a waste of a perfectly good day!
I thought about my own driving, and how I get angry and honk at people a lot. Maybe I shouldn't. Holding onto my anger and furthermore sending it to someone else is a choice. My initial anger may not be a choice, but I can choose to let go of it; to feel it and release it. I think about how worse my day could have been if I chose to be angry about that note, and it is really not worth it! :-)
Friday, August 31, 2007
Where I go, my heart I go
I decided to start this blog because I want to live my life with purpose. It's easy to get so caught up in life that no self-evaluation comes up until after the fact, and that is a harmful way to live, indeed.
Lately, I have been wondering if there is any way to still love the people who hurt us. Why is it, after the end of a relationship (this can be any kind of relationship), we find things about that person that makes them inferior to us that we did not see before? If a relationship is unhealthy and needs to be ended, that is one thing, but if we make ourselves superior to another human being, we are creating a hierarchy that separates ourselves from them. I think that this separation is an illusion. Both people feel hurt, and both are human (therefore, allowed the freedom to make choices and the possibility of making a mistake). Where does my pain end and another person's begin?
I have also been wondering what it means to do "the right thing." What is the right thing to do in a situation where either choice will hurt someone / yourself? Can there be a right choice then? And in the event that we do hurt someone else, do we say, "it is your choice to feel hurt," or do we arrange some sort of apology? For me, it seems to be somewhere in the middle. If I acted without thinking, I should apologize to the people that affected, but if my choice hurts someone because they associate it with a long list of things they are still processing, then what can I do? I think the most I can do is be there for them, and give them space if they ask for it.
I really do love people, and I have spent a very good deal of my adolescent life seeking and nurturing relationships. Now, I feel in a place of withdrawal, where love and trusting others seems like too much to ask. I guess a part of me feels ashamed of that because I want to be strong and jump back in, but really, it is all part of the process. If I ran all the time without taking breaks, I would collapse and die (obviously), and maybe love is like that. Maybe to truly appreciate it, it needs to breathe, and take different forms before it becomes a relationship again.
Playlist, "August"
1. Lonely Won't Leave Me Alone- The Arlenes
2. the part where you let go- Hem
3. Home As A Romanticized Concept Where Everyone Loves You Forever And Always- Woodpidgeon
4. What This Town Needs- Blanche
5. Golden Slumbers (cover)- Ben Folds
6. I'm Only Sleeping (cover)- The Vines
7. Lonesome Town- Ricky Nelson
8. Who Will You Love- Dead Heart Bloom
9. Soft Lowland Tongue- John St. Field
10. In the Still- You and Me
Lately, I have been wondering if there is any way to still love the people who hurt us. Why is it, after the end of a relationship (this can be any kind of relationship), we find things about that person that makes them inferior to us that we did not see before? If a relationship is unhealthy and needs to be ended, that is one thing, but if we make ourselves superior to another human being, we are creating a hierarchy that separates ourselves from them. I think that this separation is an illusion. Both people feel hurt, and both are human (therefore, allowed the freedom to make choices and the possibility of making a mistake). Where does my pain end and another person's begin?
I have also been wondering what it means to do "the right thing." What is the right thing to do in a situation where either choice will hurt someone / yourself? Can there be a right choice then? And in the event that we do hurt someone else, do we say, "it is your choice to feel hurt," or do we arrange some sort of apology? For me, it seems to be somewhere in the middle. If I acted without thinking, I should apologize to the people that affected, but if my choice hurts someone because they associate it with a long list of things they are still processing, then what can I do? I think the most I can do is be there for them, and give them space if they ask for it.
I really do love people, and I have spent a very good deal of my adolescent life seeking and nurturing relationships. Now, I feel in a place of withdrawal, where love and trusting others seems like too much to ask. I guess a part of me feels ashamed of that because I want to be strong and jump back in, but really, it is all part of the process. If I ran all the time without taking breaks, I would collapse and die (obviously), and maybe love is like that. Maybe to truly appreciate it, it needs to breathe, and take different forms before it becomes a relationship again.
Playlist, "August"
1. Lonely Won't Leave Me Alone- The Arlenes
2. the part where you let go- Hem
3. Home As A Romanticized Concept Where Everyone Loves You Forever And Always- Woodpidgeon
4. What This Town Needs- Blanche
5. Golden Slumbers (cover)- Ben Folds
6. I'm Only Sleeping (cover)- The Vines
7. Lonesome Town- Ricky Nelson
8. Who Will You Love- Dead Heart Bloom
9. Soft Lowland Tongue- John St. Field
10. In the Still- You and Me
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)